Tales from the kinder classroom - Water Buffalo Goes To The Movies

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Step 2: Read all three stories.
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Story #3: Water Buffalo Goes To The Movies

Teacher walked into Water Buffalo class and said, "Good morning, watermelon!" And Water buffalo class said, "Nooo! Water Buffalo!" And Teacher said, "Oh! I'm sorry. Good morning, waterfall!" "And Water Buffalo class said, "Nooooo! Water Buffalo!" And Teacher said, "Ohh! I'm so sorry. Good morning, Water Chestnut!" And Water Buffalo said, "Noooooo! Water BUFFALO!" And Teacher said, "...really?" And Water Buffalo class said, "Yes! We are Water BUFFALO class!" And Teacher said, "okay. Good morning, Water Buffalo!" And Water Buffalo class said, "Good morning, teacher!"

Teacher said, "I have a surprise for you today! We're going to the movies!" And Water Buffalo class said, "yaaaay!" Dustin said, "are we going to see a funny movie?" And Teacher said, "no, we're not going to see a funny movie." Derek asked, "are we going to see a love story? With a pretty princess and a handsome prince?" Teacher said, "no, we're not going to see a love story." Then Angelica asked, "what kind of movie are we going to see, Teacher?" And Teacher said, "We're going to see a scary movie! It's called The Monster Who Ate Other Monsters!" And Water Buffalo class said, "yaaaay!"

On their way to the movie theatre, the students passed a Monster Mask store! Nan said, "Teacher, look! A monster mask store! Can we go in?" And Teacher said, "....okay!" And Water Buffalo class said, "yaaaay!" Dustin bought a green monster mask with big, floppy ears! Sophie bought a blue monster mask with great big horns! Roy bought a purple monster mask with lots and lots and lots and lots of TEETH!" And Fanny bought a yellow monster mask with a BIG ROUND NOSE, and a BIG RED MOUTH, but NO EYES! Fanny couldn't see! But she liked her mask very much. Soon all of the students had bought monster masks and were looking forward to the movie.

When they arrived, Teacher bought tickets and brought the students into the theatre. They put on their monster masks and sat down. Teacher went and bought popcorn. The students said, "yaaaay!" Then the movie started. It was exciting! It was all about a monster who went around eating other monsters!

What Water Buffalo class didn't know, however, was that since they started watching the movie, there was a BIG thunderstorm outside, with LOTS of thunder and lightning. All of a sudden, a burst of lightning hit the theatre, and the monster became ALIVE! The students said, "waaaaaaaaaah!" But Teacher said, "don't worry! This monster only eats other monsters! It doesn't eat children!"

Soon the monster came to Nan. The monster looked down at Nan. Nan looked up at the monster. The monster looked down at Nan. Nan looked up at the monster. Then, the monster opened its mouth AND ATE NAN! The students said, "waaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Next, the monster came to Roy. The monster looked down at Roy. Roy looked up at the monster. The monster looked down at Roy. Roy looked up at the monster. Then, the monster opened its mouth AND ATE ROY! The students said, "waaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Angelica said, "Teacher! We are not monsters! We are children! Why is the monster eating us?"
And Teacher said, "I don't know!"

Now, through all of this, Fanny had been listening to the movie, and then listening to the monster, but she didn't know what was going on. She couldn't see! But finally she took her mask off, and looked up. She was looking at the monster!

The monster looked down at Fanny. Fanny looked up at the monster. The monster looked down at Fanny. Fanny looked up at the monster. Then, the monster opened its mouth, and said, "aaah-aaah-aaaah-CHOOOOO!" And the monster sneezed! Out came Roy! Out came Nan! They landed on the floor in a pile of popcorn. They were wet and sticky, but they were okay.

Angelica said, "Teacher! We are wearing monster masks! The monster thinks we are monsters! That's why the monster ate Roy and Nan. That's why the monster didn't eat Fanny! She took off her monster mask!"

And Teacher said, "yes! You're right! Take off your monster masks, children! Take them off now!"

And all of Water Buffalo took off their monster masks- except for Devin. Devin liked his monster mask very much. It was green and black and yellow and had big horns AND big teeth AND a big nose! Devin loved his monster mask.

Then the monster came to Devin! The monster looked down at Devin. Devin looked up at the monster. The monster looked down at Devin. Devin looked up at the monster. Then, Devin opened his mouth AND ATE THE MONSTER! The students said, "yaaaay!"

If it's not evident in the text, all of the eating (by the monster and by Devin) is done in one fell swoop, without chewing. It's much faster this way for all concerned, and also makes it a lot easier to regurgitate students fully formed. When the students say, "yaaaay," this should be accompanied by exaggerated arm-waving to show the depths of their excitement. When the students say, "waaaah," it should be matched with scared hand gestures for the same reason.

The Water Buffalo/ Watermelon greeting at the beginning of the story is a reversal of my own greetings to my Watermelon class. Whether I called them Water Buffalo, or Water Apple, or Waterlemon, they always insisted on being known by their rightful name- except for a couple of the boys, for whom Water Buffalo was a much cooler name.

Tales from the kinder classroom - The Supply Teacher

Scroll down to the next post for an introduction to these stories.

Story #2: The Supply Teacher

Because they had thrown their teacher out the window, Water Buffalo class didn't know who would be teaching them today. When the new teacher walked in, the students were very surprised. Their new teacher was BIG! Very big. And funny looking: his clothes didn't seem to fit very well, and he wore a hat all the time! Angelica, Dustin and Roy were all very nervous. But then Teacher spoke. "Goooooood moooooorning, Water Buffalo!" He was nice! The students replied, "good morning, teacher!" Teacher was very big, and funny looking, but he seemed happy, and not mean at all. Teacher taught Water Buffalo class how to hold a pencil with their nose, and how to eat many, many peanuts. Then Teacher said, "I have good news for you, class! Today we're going on a trip...to the zoo!" And Water Buffalo class said, "yaaaay!"

When they got to the zoo, they looked at the monkeys. Roy liked looking at the monkeys very much; the monkeys thought he was a monkey! But Alison wanted to see the lion, so Water Buffalo class went to look at the lion. The lion was sleeping. Alison said, "aww! so cute," but Devin was angry. He said, "wake up, lion!" But the lion did not wake up. Devin said, "wake up, lion!" But the lion did not wake up. Devin said, "WAKE UP, LION!" And the lion said, "RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"
And Devin said, "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" And Water Buffalo went to look at the giraffes.

Fanny really liked the giraffes. They were tall, and pretty, and they did not think she looked like a monkey, and they did not say, "RRROOOAAAARRRR!" Fanny could have stayed with the giraffes all day long. She and Dustin agreed that the giraffes were their favourite animals at the zoo. But then Teacher said, "look, class! The elephants are this way!"

When they got to the elephant pen, the students all crowded around the fence to look at the elephants. Because there were so many children, Angelica couldn't get close to the fence. So she read the sign: "Welcome to the Busan Zoo! We have three elephants." Then Roy moved out of the way, and Angelica was able to see the elephants. There were two elephants by the water, and one elephant was standing under a tree, and another elephant was sleeping in the back...Angelica went back to the sign and read it again: "Welcome to the Busan Zoo! We have three elephants." Then she returned to the fence and looked at the elephants. Angelica looked at the sign. Then she looked at the elephants. Then she looked at the sign. Then she looked at the elephants. She called to Alison and said, "look at this sign." Alison looked at the sign: "Welcome to the Busan Zoo! We have three elephants." Then Alison looked at the elephants. She looked at the sign. Then she looked at the elephants. Then she looked at the sign. Then she looked at the elephants: one, two, three, four. Four! There were FOUR elephants in the elephant pen! Angelica said, "that's strange! We should ask Teacher." So Angelica and Alison looked around for Teacher, but they couldn't find him anywhere. Then somebody shouted, "let's go see the tigers!" And the Water Buffalo students left the elephant pen- except for Alison and Angelica. "Is Teacher at the front of the group," Angelica asked Alison. "He must be," replied Alison, even though she could not see Teacher anywhere. They went to join the rest of Water Buffalo class.

As they reached Joy, who was the last member of the group, they saw that Teacher was not with the group. Then Alison heard a noise behind her and she turned around. There was Teacher! He was running to catch up with them. His clothes were even messier than usual, and his hat was crooked! Alison looked back at the elephant pen. She only saw three elephants.


It seems evident (to me at least) that my storytelling owes a great deal to Roald Dahl, Louis Sachar, and Robert Munsch (thanks for the reminder, Erin!), but the line about Roy and the monkeys makes me think of John Irving for some reason. I think it's the italicized "he." This story is a lot more light-hearted than the previous one; I don't know which one my kids preferred -the appeal of the violence in The Mean Teacher is matched by the absurdity of an elephant substitute teacher. As I mentioned in the previous post, these retellings here are just that; they should not be taken as verbatim transcripts from the classroom, and should really be read aloud, with great arm movements and sound effects where and when possible.

As well, you may have noticed that even the students who were thrown out the window by the Mean Teacher have reappeared. This adds credence to the theory that the Water Buffalo class is on a lower floor than Watermelon.

Tales from the kinder classroom - The Mean Teacher

So there have been times in my kindergarten classes when the worksheets are complete, the flash cards have been reviewed, the washroom has been visited and hands washed, and there is still much time left on the clock. To fill this time, we do different things:

-review some more
-sing songs (Farmer in The Dell, Bingo, and You are my Sunshine are particular favourites of late)
-play games (Broken Telephone, the Hand Game, the Animal Game, and so on)
- and one a few occasions recently, I've made up stories. Most often, these stories have been first told to my Watermelon class, and then edited and adapted to my other kinder classes. My students all have Korean names, obviously, but in class I call them by their English names - Kevin, Angelina, Joy (who's a boy, incidentally), Annie, Justin, Sophia, and so on. This is relevant for reasons that should soon become apparent.

Because the Korean school year finishes in February, today was the last day I taught these particular kindergarten classes. In honour of this, I thought it appropriate to recount the stories I have told. They're presented in a somewhat-condensed format, as I would typically ask questions, solicit audience participation, and encourage repetition of certain phrases during the telling. I'm slightly trepidatious, because I really don't know how well these stories (orginially told with accompanying sound effects and gestures, and lasting anywhere from 10-25 minutes) will translate into the written word, but we shall see. After each story, I intend to provide some additional information, intended largely to reassure you that the stories aren't quite as horrible as they might sound. The first one, at any rate, is probably the least child-appropriate of the lot. I recommend reading it aloud, ideally to any six or seven year-olds in your immediate vicinity.


Story #1: The Mean Teacher

Water Buffalo class had a new teacher. He was very mean. When he came into class in the morning, the students all said, "good morning teacher!" The teacher said, "sit down! be quiet!" They began to do their work. Devin put his hand up and said, "teacher, I have a question." When he said this, teacher got very, very angry. He said, "no questions in this classroom!" And then he picked Devin up, walked over to the window, opened it, and THREW DEVIN OUT THE WINDOW! Devin said, "waaaaaaaaaaaah- Thud." Then Teacher closed the window.

A few minutes later, Angelica sneezed. Teacher got very, very angry. He said, "no sneezing in the classroom!" And then he picked Angelina up, walked over to the window, opened it, and THREW ANGELINA OUT THE WINDOW! Angelina said, "waaaaaaaaaaaah-Thud." Then Teacher closed the window.

The class continued working. Then, Dustin asked Sophie if he could borrow her eraser. Teacher said, "no borrowing erasers in the classroom!" And then he picked Dustin up, walked over to the window, opened it, and --- and then Roy said, "NO, TEACHER!" Teacher said, "what?" And Roy said, "PUT DUSTIN DOWN!" Teacher was very confused, but he put Dustin down. And then Roy grabbed Teacher's left leg, and Fanny grabbed Teacher's right leg, and Sophie grabbed Teacher's right arm, and Alison grabbed Teacher's left arm. Dustin opened the window, and THEY THREW TEACHER OUT THE WINDOW! Teacher said, ""waaaaaaaaaaaah-Thud." Then Dustin closed the window, and Water Buffalo class said, "yaaaay!"


This story was first told during the rehearsals for the Kindergarten Concert. After a particularly grueling rehearsal, one of my classes was yelled at for ten minutes by a coworker of mine. When she was finished, I said to her (away from the students, of course), "why were you yelling at them? They were really good!" At this point, she looked rather embarrassed and admitted that they had been good, but said she felt she needed to castigate them to make sure they didn't get sloppy. Different teaching methods, I guess. At any rate, when I walked into the classroom it was full of downcast, dejected faces. Wanting to cheer them up without directly contradicting my co-teacher, I told them this story. It seemed to do the trick.

When I first told the story, I was careful to leave the fate of the defenestrated students ambiguous. In fact, the screams (which weren't screams at all, really, but merely saying "waaaaaaah" in a loud voice) didn't end with a thud per se; they were merely cut off abruptly, and that was that. When I told the story recently to another of my classes though, one of my students asked if they were dead. I told him that unlike the real kinder classrooms, which are on the sixth floor, the Water buffalo class is on the first floor, so it was just a three foot drop from the window to the ground.

Perhaps because it was the first story I told, The Mean Teacher is considerably shorter than the others. Whether this constitutes a point for or against is entirely a matter of taste.