Tales from the kinder classroom - The Mean Teacher

So there have been times in my kindergarten classes when the worksheets are complete, the flash cards have been reviewed, the washroom has been visited and hands washed, and there is still much time left on the clock. To fill this time, we do different things:

-review some more
-sing songs (Farmer in The Dell, Bingo, and You are my Sunshine are particular favourites of late)
-play games (Broken Telephone, the Hand Game, the Animal Game, and so on)
- and one a few occasions recently, I've made up stories. Most often, these stories have been first told to my Watermelon class, and then edited and adapted to my other kinder classes. My students all have Korean names, obviously, but in class I call them by their English names - Kevin, Angelina, Joy (who's a boy, incidentally), Annie, Justin, Sophia, and so on. This is relevant for reasons that should soon become apparent.

Because the Korean school year finishes in February, today was the last day I taught these particular kindergarten classes. In honour of this, I thought it appropriate to recount the stories I have told. They're presented in a somewhat-condensed format, as I would typically ask questions, solicit audience participation, and encourage repetition of certain phrases during the telling. I'm slightly trepidatious, because I really don't know how well these stories (orginially told with accompanying sound effects and gestures, and lasting anywhere from 10-25 minutes) will translate into the written word, but we shall see. After each story, I intend to provide some additional information, intended largely to reassure you that the stories aren't quite as horrible as they might sound. The first one, at any rate, is probably the least child-appropriate of the lot. I recommend reading it aloud, ideally to any six or seven year-olds in your immediate vicinity.


Story #1: The Mean Teacher

Water Buffalo class had a new teacher. He was very mean. When he came into class in the morning, the students all said, "good morning teacher!" The teacher said, "sit down! be quiet!" They began to do their work. Devin put his hand up and said, "teacher, I have a question." When he said this, teacher got very, very angry. He said, "no questions in this classroom!" And then he picked Devin up, walked over to the window, opened it, and THREW DEVIN OUT THE WINDOW! Devin said, "waaaaaaaaaaaah- Thud." Then Teacher closed the window.

A few minutes later, Angelica sneezed. Teacher got very, very angry. He said, "no sneezing in the classroom!" And then he picked Angelina up, walked over to the window, opened it, and THREW ANGELINA OUT THE WINDOW! Angelina said, "waaaaaaaaaaaah-Thud." Then Teacher closed the window.

The class continued working. Then, Dustin asked Sophie if he could borrow her eraser. Teacher said, "no borrowing erasers in the classroom!" And then he picked Dustin up, walked over to the window, opened it, and --- and then Roy said, "NO, TEACHER!" Teacher said, "what?" And Roy said, "PUT DUSTIN DOWN!" Teacher was very confused, but he put Dustin down. And then Roy grabbed Teacher's left leg, and Fanny grabbed Teacher's right leg, and Sophie grabbed Teacher's right arm, and Alison grabbed Teacher's left arm. Dustin opened the window, and THEY THREW TEACHER OUT THE WINDOW! Teacher said, ""waaaaaaaaaaaah-Thud." Then Dustin closed the window, and Water Buffalo class said, "yaaaay!"


This story was first told during the rehearsals for the Kindergarten Concert. After a particularly grueling rehearsal, one of my classes was yelled at for ten minutes by a coworker of mine. When she was finished, I said to her (away from the students, of course), "why were you yelling at them? They were really good!" At this point, she looked rather embarrassed and admitted that they had been good, but said she felt she needed to castigate them to make sure they didn't get sloppy. Different teaching methods, I guess. At any rate, when I walked into the classroom it was full of downcast, dejected faces. Wanting to cheer them up without directly contradicting my co-teacher, I told them this story. It seemed to do the trick.

When I first told the story, I was careful to leave the fate of the defenestrated students ambiguous. In fact, the screams (which weren't screams at all, really, but merely saying "waaaaaaah" in a loud voice) didn't end with a thud per se; they were merely cut off abruptly, and that was that. When I told the story recently to another of my classes though, one of my students asked if they were dead. I told him that unlike the real kinder classrooms, which are on the sixth floor, the Water buffalo class is on the first floor, so it was just a three foot drop from the window to the ground.

Perhaps because it was the first story I told, The Mean Teacher is considerably shorter than the others. Whether this constitutes a point for or against is entirely a matter of taste.